Finding a partner can be a hard task for any Christian singleton, but in the midst of a global pandemic, when dating is largely confined to apps, it is becoming near enough impossible.
Lockdown romances, virtual Zoom date nights, video calls and apps are keeping my search for a partner alive, but navigating Christian dating in a Covid-19 world is quite challenging. I’m a social butterfly who prefers face to face interaction and I find churches tend to be the best meeting places to meet other Christians who are serious about finding a mate. The second lockdown means churches are now only open for private prayer, and social events which are usually great for meeting other single Christians are off the table. Even before the pandemic, the pursuit of chastity and purity was increasingly becoming hard to keep up with in a world where celibacy and getting married are going out of fashion. As a Christian woman, I want to stay celibate before marriage. In my twenties, I stopped being celibate because the reality of abstaining from sex in a world that was full of it was hard to maintain. I’ve felt uncomfortable in some Christian spaces that do not recognise female sexual desire before marriage, but ultimately I do wish to stay celibate before I meet a life partner. I’ve also wrestled with the deep Christian shame that comes with being sexually active versus my spiritual desire to abstain from sex until I’m married. My earliest introduction to sex and relationships were in Gospel churches where I was taught to follow biblical teachings such as no sex before marriage. This idea was further cemented in my abstinence-based religious education, where sexual urges outside of a committed, monogamous, adult relationship were deemed immoral. We were taught scriptures such as Corinthians 6 that remind us we should glorify God by not indulging in lustful behaviours. Instead, we were encouraged to keep sacred and use our body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
While I found it hard to stay celibate in my 20s, after a few years of backsliding, as the church refers to it, I found myself feeling empty, used and turning to the spiritual lessons I was taught when I was younger. Sadly, for unmarried women like myself, expressing your sexual needs or desires out of wedlock is still frowned upon in the Christian doctrine. Being unable to have these discussions openly in places of worship such as churches is to the detriment of unmarried believers in the faith. I have left congregations out of fear of judgment of being seen as ‘tainted’ for silently battling some aspects of what the Bible labels as ‘sexual sin’. This can range from lust to masturbation, pre-marital sex to pornography, and to sex addiction. Pop star Lily Allen recently called for women not to be ashamed of their sexuality and I agree with her sentiment – after all, these are normal, healthy urges. But entertaining thoughts of a one-night stand, watching porn, or using sex toys is not a way of life endorsed by Christianity, and here I find myself conflicted. To suppress this carnal aspect of my womanhood feels crippling at times but I know all too well the spiritual guilt I feel after indulging with temporary pleasures. Despite being far from perfect, I am aiming to live a life that is in alignment with my faith. I still talk to God about my desire for a husband, family and children. So, while my opinions on Christianity are liberal, the older I get, the more I see the value of being in an ‘equally yoked’ partnership. This is a biblical ideology that supports a marriage where you both share the same faith, beliefs and practices such as praying, reading the Bible and going to church.
But finding love in a dwindling pool of available, God-fearing, born-again Christian men seems hopeless because it’s hard to get a committed relationship these days. Most of the men want flings, one night stand or just want to take off steam.
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